


Oh Darling, I Wish You Were Here

by FeartheCavalreaper



Category: Homestuck
Genre: End Game, F/F, I'm Sorry, Post Game, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-08-13
Packaged: 2018-04-14 11:24:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4562805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeartheCavalreaper/pseuds/FeartheCavalreaper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When the game is over, where do we go? What happens to those we love, those we lose? </p><p>Songfic to Vanilla Twilight - Owl City</p>
            </blockquote>





	Oh Darling, I Wish You Were Here

 

 _The stars lean down to kiss you_   
_And I lie awake and miss you_   
_Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere_   
_'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly_   
_But I'll miss your arms around me_   
_I'd send a postcard to you, dear_   
_'Cause I wish you were here_

  
     Eight months, two weeks, three days, and fourteen hours. The minutes are always ticking away, falling away since you last saw her and while you know that emotions should never impact your sleep patterns, you're missing her skin more than anything on yours and her fangs leaving marks that were always hidden behind your hood. And you're craving her kiss, something you taught her how to do when you first met her. You were thirteen years old and her skin would glow brightly at night, and you were so hurt by losing your mother, you drank yourself down in your sorrows and she...  
  
      She was the only one who could pull you out of it. She told you how foolish you looked, drinking your days away and you feared she would leave you because of it. The first thing she told you is she didn't plan to leave you, just that she wanted the best for you and you knew. You knew from that moment you would love her forever and you would give anything and everything to make sure she would survive with you as the game continued on. You remember death and watching her die. You tried to get your revenge, you struggled and then you died in your mother- in Roxy's arms and you know she was hurting. You could see it in her eyes. But when you died then... you had the chance to tell Roxy. And when you were dying, you were terrified that Kanaya would never know you loved her and you always would.   
  
      Being home and seeing your mother alive and well had been a blessing. She looks just like Roxy, and you suddenly respect everything about her. Your love for your mother knows no bounds after learning what it would mean to lose her completely. The horrorterrors and the darkness that took hold of you when she died beside John's father still haunts you and you remember John trying so hard to break through to you. You can't even imagine your life now without your best friends, but no matter how much you love them, you know nothing replaces her. Nothing compares to her wit, her attitude, or her love for you. You've tried to go on several dates, one with Jade included, but as sweet as each girl had been, none of them had been anything like Kanaya. Jade even saw it in your eyes at dinner. Half way through the date, she put her hands on yours, smiling that you had gone at all, but knowing that it wasn’t the same.

  
_I'll watch the night turn light blue_   
_But it's not the same without you_   
_Because it takes two to whisper quietly_

  
      You remember the first nights you spent together and she would ask thousands of questions about human culture, human relationships, your relationship with her, and hundreds of other things she didn't know. Things you thought you might be able to show her when the game was over, but that just wasn't how it worked. When the game ended, it was like you were the eye of the storm where nothing changed. Everything outside the center swirled back to how it was before you loaded up that stupid game that threatened your very existence, but taught you the true meaning of love and friendship as Karkat, Kanaya, Terezi, and all their friends grew more and more attached to you and your friends. And you hope in her world, she's thinking about you every time that Alternian sun sets because you can't sleep at night and you find yourself thinking about her as your sun rises. It’s hard to sleep without her soft voice asking you another question as you drifted off to sleep.   
  


_The silence isn't so bad_   
_'Till I look at my hands and feel sad_   
_'Cause the spaces between my fingers_   
_Are right where yours fit perfectly_

  
      Some nights are harder than others, the rising sun making you wish you were back in the game. Part of you wishes you could go back, maybe figure out how to never leave them behind. Sometimes you dream about her. You remember finally winning the game and looking at Kanaya. She smiled at you and suddenly... She was gone.

      All the trolls vanished before your eyes and you realized your sessions were only meant to merge in order to win them. Outside of session, Alternia was a different world and Earth was home for you. Kanaya and the rest of the trolls were never meant to come to Earth.

     You don't know what made you think you could be with her forever. And every time your friends talk about people getting married or their significant others, your heart aches and you take another sip from your flask, remembering you thought you'd marry her one day. And you took up drinking in place of her company. At least when you've had enough drinks, you see her again. And she's kissing your lips and reminding you how loved you are. When you wake up, you're always alone again. Dave says you even begin to call for her at night.

 _I'll find repose in new ways_   
_Though I haven't slept in two days_   
_'Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone_   
_But drenched in vanilla twilight_   
_I'll sit on the front porch all night_   
_Waist deep in thought because when_   
_I think of you I don't feel so alone_

  
     The drinking had gotten so bad that John, Dave, and Jade staged an intervention and as painful as it had been, you quit drinking. What they didn't know is you also stopped sleeping, or it had, at the very least, gotten much harder to sleep at night without crying for her touch. For her voice or for her to ask a question that would make you laugh and force you to explain another human concept to her.

 _I don't feel so alone_  
_I don't feel so alone_  
_As many times as I blink_  
_I'll think of you tonight_  
_(Tonight, tonight, tonight...)_

      After you reached one year sober, you felt the urge to let everything go and it was the hardest thing you ever had to do. John and Jade came over. When they arrived, you had your brother tell them what you were going to do. You were throwing a bonfire, but not just any fire. You were burning everything you had left of Kanaya so you could move on. College was starting soon and you wanted to be happy. This was going to be the last time you’d look at a photo of her. Jade left before the fire started. She didn’t think it was right. Not when Kanaya was your everything. You wish you’d listened. When the fire started, you cried harder than you had before and you cried yourself to sleep. 

     When Dave carried you to bed, you woke up and stared up at the sky. You remember shaking until you forced yourself to go back to sleep. In another timeline, you hope you married her. You hope that, even if the game never ended in that timeline, you married that damn troll and all her odd quirks and questions because this wouldn’t hurt so bad with her. Nothing would hurt if she was still here.

_I'll think of you tonight…_

      It only happened for a moment before you fell asleep. You shut your eyes so tightly, you felt dizzy and the image was clear. Kanaya was making something in a dark room. An outfit? A dress. Vriska was making faces while Kanaya pinned it to fit Vriska just right. Vriska’s face seemed to scream that she was only doing this because it made time go by. Kanaya’s desk was messier than you could ever remember seeing it. As she drew new things into her patterns, you felt a tear run down your cheek. Kanaya threw all her designs off the desk and started crying. When she fell back against the wall, she slid down with her knees to her chest. You would have given anything to kiss her. Vriska’s attitude was tossed aside when she sat down next to Kanaya. You’d never seen that troll quiet. When Kanaya calmed down, Vriska leaned on her and you could feel your hands trembling.

     Vriska put up a V shape and you watched as Kanaya did the same. The tears were subsiding and the realization hit you. Vriska had taken to caring for Kanaya since the game ended. Before the scene ended, you saw Vriska wrap her arms around Kanaya’s waist as she slept. She kept your love safe. You’re grateful someone took care of her for you. 

 _When violet eyes get brighter_  
_And heavy wings grow lighter_  
_I'll taste the sky and feel alive again_  
_And I'll forget the world that I knew_  
_But I swear I won't forget you_

     When you woke up the morning after, you felt empty yet calm. You had accepted she’d never be in that bed with you again. You remember looking up at the sky in the morning and it didn’t feel anything like the night before. You felt lighter and you felt like you could move on. You never figured out why you saw all of it. You assume it was some kind of left over bit of magic from being a Seer. You went to college that fall and met a nice girl but it wasn’t the same. 

     In the back of your mind, you can hear Kanaya laughing and asking you about human culture. You can’t remember your land or Dave’s or John’s. But you can remember her laugh and the look she made when she didn’t understand anything. When you married that girl, you closed your eyes tight, hoping that somewhere, in another timeline or universe, Kanaya knew you wished it was her instead.

 

 _Oh if my voice could reach back through the past  
_ _I'd whisper in your ear:_

**_"Oh darling, I wish you were here..."_ **

 


End file.
